“I keep gaining weight, because I have no time to work out,” says my friend who also happens to be an Executive. He was complaining again about his job and the consistent overwhelm and the impact on his health and family.
Now, this is a guy who has had a coach for years and so I asked him: “What does your coach tell you?”
He said that he was coached to find time during lunch to work out. But that wasn’t working so well because people frequently booked meetings for him at lunch.
So, I asked “When you talk to those people about your stress level and the need to have lunch times available for you, what do they say?”
He laughed as if I had just asked him a trick question. ”You don’t understand, that is not how it goes around here.”
He was beginning to sound like so many of my clients, who put up with overwhelm day-in and day-out.
Many of them are consistently overbooked and can’t make it to all the meetings they are supposed to be at. They are completely burned-out and/or unhappy and their health and relationships are suffering.
Given the severity of the problem, it is astonishing to see how little time and few conversations people dedicate to changing the problem of overwhelm in their jobs. It is as if there was a code of honor that states: Never push back or complain of overwhelm.
Some people get so caught up in trying to win the “un-winnable” game that they don’t even realize that the conversation about overwhelm is either missing completely or they are having it very ineffectively. For example, complainingg about overwhelm without offering a solution or at least making a specific request from the “right” person, would be an unproductive conversation. (You can learn more about that by purchasing our book “Who Will Do What by When? ” on our website)
But I digress, here ‘s the difference between Executive Coaching and Life Coaching for Executives. Executive coaching is role specific. In other words, if the company pays for the coaching, the coach will often coach the person in his/her role of Executive. The focus would be primarily about his performance in that role. Hence, the idea that my friend could work out at lunch! It seems like a good “operational solution,” but it really doesn’t get to the core of the problem.
The real cause of his unhappiness might be more about his values and who he is as a person. He is an independent guy who doesn’t like other people to tell him what to do or control his time. He might be in a role that is no longer aligned with his true nature. So, he could benefit from Life Coaching, i.e. a conversation, that is not limited to his role, but explores his values and what truly gives him fulfillment, joy and energy in life.
I spoke to a lawyer the other day who moved from one job “in law” to another, each time saying: “It’s better, but I am not happy.” He needs life coaching, not executive coaching. He knows how to be a “law” Executive… but it only pleases his dad – not him. He needs life coaching!
Does that mean that Executive Coaches only deal with operational issues and Life Coaches only work with people on their lives? No!
But coaches and clients have to be aware of the inherent dilemma when it comes to coaching a person in his or her role. It’s not always what serves best. And coaches have to be willing to engage clients into life conversations that might take them out of their roles.
So don’t just go looking for Executive Coaches or Life Coaches. Best advice I can give is to look for an experienced coach who can switch back and forth between Life and Executive Coaching.